Article for Copywriters: Another Tip on How to Get Personal in Your Emails

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December 2002
Issue # 21

In this issue:

>> Intro: Use Short Sentences
>> Article: Another Tip on How to Get Personal in Your Emails
>> Readers Write Back: Not Much Feedback
>> Survey: Did You Have a Good Year in 2002?

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Greetings,

First, here are the results of the last issue's survey.

I asked how many of you specifically and directly asked for reader feedback through the emails you send out. 81% of you do, 19% don't.

When you look back over a few months worth of survey results, the answers coming in indicate that most of this newsletter's subscribers seem to be doing the 'right things' most of the time. I sometimes get a sense of preaching to the converted. Now if only everyone else would read this newsletter - all those people who don't believe in the value of good writing online. I'm sure we'd get some very different results coming in through the surveys.

As promised, this week's article is on the subject of email again. I take a very brief look at some ways to make your email writing more personal. The example I used is one I'm featuring in a short report/ebook I am writing at the moment -- '25 Examples of How to Get More Personal with Your Online Copy'.

(Btw -- If you'd like to know when I'm finished, and the report is available for purchase, send me an email and I'll add your name to the 'announcement' list.

Also, if you have come across any great 'personal' copy lately, and think I might be able to use it in the report, let me know!)

Finally, this is the last issue of Excess Voice for 2002. What a year! I hope 2002 has been good to you - and I'll be back in your inbox in early 2003.

Happy Holidays.

Nick

>> Feedback: nick@nickusborne.com

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ARTICLE: USE SHORT SENTENCES

There are numerous ways in which your writing can signal a personal voice behind each email.

Here is an example of an excellent opening paragraph, written by Betsy Harman for the WBFO public radio station...

"Listening to great programming on WBFO while sipping a big mug of coffee is a daily ritual for many people. How about you? I'm writing to invite you to be part of the WBFO 200 pound coffee challenge."

This is the opening to a fund-raising letter for WBFO. There are three (well, maybe four) ways in which this opening paragraph gets personal.

1. The first sentence implies that the reader is part of a broader group, 'people like us'. The image of everyone sitting down with a mug of coffee suggests community, something shared, something personal.

2. "How about you?" This middle sentence is just three words long, but is a double indicator of a 'personal' voice. First, it is short. Long, formal sentences are often indicators of 'corporate' speak. Short sentences sound a lot less formal, a lot more personal. Second, she asks a question. That act alone suggests inclusion of the audience.

3. In the third sentence, she says "I'm writing to invite you...". Not "We are writing..." or "WBFO is writing..."

In just one paragraph, the writer has made it clear that this is a very personal communication, direct from the writer to the reader.

Take a critical look at the emails you have written lately. How many indicators or clues can you find that make the text sound unmistakably personal?

If you enjoyed this article, check out 'The Best From Over 200 Articles by Nick Usborne' - an edited compilation of the best of my articles for Clickz.com, between 1998 and 2003.

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READERS WRITE BACK: NOT MUCH FEEDBACK

A couple of readers wrote back to the last survey saying that they did solicit feedback from their emails, but received very few responses. That's OK! The value in asking for feedback lies not in the volume of emails you receive, but in the fact that you're letting your readers know that you are there and listening.

"I include my e-mail address and phone number with almost every e-mail I send, following a comment such as "We'd love to hear from you ..." I think I've only gotten one response from the last 20 missives."

"We've added a feedback link within the last two months. It hasn't created a flood of email to my inbox (though there was a surge for the first two weeks), but it's a chance for members to get a personal response from someone inside the association."

>> Feedback: nick@nickusborne.com

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SURVEY: HOW WAS 2002?

Professionally, was 2002 a good year for you?

I am a freelance writer and 2002 was...

[ ] Not very busy
[ ] As expected
[ ] Incredibly busy!

I work as a writer within a compnay and 2002 was...

[ ] Not very busy
[ ] As expected
[ ] Incredibly busy!

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